A Series of Tubes

So normally if someone calls me and I don’t recognize the number I just let the person leave a message and I call them back.  I was getting flack for this policy because it could be someone calling with an emergency.  So I’m sitting at work and my cell phone rings and the number: 719 398-5898 comes up on my cell phone.  I decide to answer the phone on the off chance that this might be someone stranded near a pay phone in an area code that I don’t recognize.  Turns out that I’m listening to an automated dialer telling me that the factory warranty of my call has expired.  I have a 10 year old car that I bought used so I’m pretty positive my warranty is expired and cannot be renewed.  I am also told that this is my last chance to renew and I can press 1 to talk to a representative and 2 to be removed from the call list.

Well if this is my last chance to to get the warranty updated then why the hell would I need to press 2?  Anyhow this actually isn’t the first time this group has called, and the last time they called I pressed their damn 2 button.  This time I press 1.  I get on the other line a guy with an indian accent asking me if I am interested in renewing my factory warranty on my vehicle.  I decide that I will be nice and start off with “Hi.  This is the second time that you have called me and I requested that you remove my name from your calling list.  If you did not remove me from the calling list the first time I need to remind you that you are legally bound to…”  I then hear a click on the other end of the line as Mr. Warranty doesn’t think he will get any money out of me.

I then try to call the number back, but it is apparently disconnected.  I look up the number online to find out that the people are just a bunch of scammers.

So, like the Junk mail from my previous post, I’m now waiting with excitement until my next phone call from these people.  My plan next time is to sound overly excited about this great offer and so grateful that someone called to renew because I was so worried about it.  Of course I will try to waste as much of his time as possible while I pretend to retrieve the information he is looking for, and then give him a pile of fake information.  You have to make sure to write down this fake info so that you can keep it consistent throughout the conversation (it’s good to remember that you told the person that you are Justin Timberlake etc.).  The idea is to string them along and waste as much time as possible.  it’s also fun to ask them what their name and their company’s name is after you have gained some of their trust.  If you ask them at the beginning, most of the time they will hang up or avoid it.  It is also fun to ask them where they are and what the weather is there.  You can check online to see if he is lying to you as much as you are lying to him.  At teh end of the conversation I think I’ll just say that I’m actually not all that interested after spending as much time as possible giving him as much fake information as possible.

It’s like Christmas … I can’t wait…