A Series of Tubes

It is hard for me to put into words how horrible Transformers 2 is, but I will try. It is as if director Michael Bay found some way to take a dump on my brain and bludgeon it with a rusty object at the same time.Actually that is probably being too kind. Perhaps your reaction would be to illegally download this movie and watch it for free instead. Don’t. It’s not that I lost 3 hours of my life. That would be as if I did nothing for 3 hours. Instead I was made a worse person for seeing this movie. The only people that will enjoy this movie will be the sado masochist, the brainless, and Michael Bay.

Transformers 2 finds ways to make robots racist, put testicles on a robot, have inane and unrealistic dialog and characters, and horrible plot devices that don’t make sense. Oh no, the thingey we need turned into shards, now we can’t use it….oh wait….after carrying it around for 15 minutes, as dust, it is now put back together conveniently right when we need it with little/no explanation of how. Almost every character in the movie doesn’t appear to have a point. By the end I was really hoping that about 90% of the characters would die because I didn’t want to listen to them any more. I wonder if George Lucas had a hand in the character design because most of the characters have the same feel as JarJar.

The screen cap in the picture is of Megan Fox, the girlfriend, being scared of the robots outside. I was making similar faces, but more because I was vomiting slightly in my mouth. Please do not see this movie, even if you are curious what an on screen suck fest looks like.