A Series of Tubes

I’m sure there are smart CEOs out there.  When CEOs make bad decisions, and the decision recently made by the CEO of whole foods was a colossally bad decision, you remember it more than when a CEO makes a good one.  Whole foods is often referred to people as whole paycheck because their prices are higher for various processed foods and also because the people saying it think that they are being funny.  When I hear that phrase I glare with my whole soul at their failed attempt at humor.  Puns should be funny or make you groan.  It fails both those tests so…you get the glare.  Enough with the glare…on to the real story.

So the CEO of Whole foods wrote an opinion article in the Wall Street Journal.  In it he starts off with a quote from Margaret Thatcher about socialism.  I’m going to stop right there for a second.  If John Mackey, CEO of Whole foods, wanted me in a bad mood, the quickest way to do so would be to start his ideological screed on health care with a quote from Margaret Frign Thatcher.  Has John Mackey never been in a single Whole Foods store?  Whole Foods customers are not the type to start up Margret Thatcher fan clubs.  John Mackey launches into his hatred for a single payer health care system apparently unaware that his own customers most likely favor a single payer system with greater percentages than those any other major corporation’s customer base.  I cannot back that up with an actual poll, since I don’t think one has been done, but I would be shocked to find out if it were untrue.  So now the stockholders and the board of directors of whole foods can feast on the images such as the one above made by former customers who now feel the burning desire to take their dollars somewhere else.  Either A) John Mackey has found a way to make more money by getting his customers pissed off at him or B) he is a colossal idiot.

The major point of the article that he makes is that there is that the government shouldn’t be paying for people’s bad eating habits and if people would just shop at his stores, the private health insurance would be just fine.  His article badmouths government plans in Britain and Canada which are wildly popular in those countries (UK conservatives were out defending the NHS from US criticism).  Whole foods has stores in the US the UK and Canada.  Trash talking popular government programs in two out of your three of your company’s current markets is…(I’m having a hard time coming up with more synonyms for dumb or working in the name Captain dumbass).  One has to wonder how Whole Foods got as big as it did with a CEO that has the same wisdom and tact as a man yelling your momma jokes into a megaphone to Godzilla while simultaneously throwing things at it’s crotch(Godzilla is notorious for his sensitivity regarding the reputation of his mother).

The worst part about the whole thing is that this is not John Mackey’s first mistake.  He’s been caught trying to inflate the price of his company’s stock on yahoo.  Being an idiot once is one thing, but twice it starts reflecting bad on the board of directors and the stockholders if no action is taken against him.  The guy is drunk with wealth and doesn’t have a proper outlet for his stupid.

People make their way to my blog in a variety of ways.  One of those ways is a google search.  I can view the top searches that land visitors on my site.  Below is a list of a recent top 5:

Top Searches

1. roomba troubleshooting
2. aca 24
3. troubleshooting roomba
4. uc regents salary
5. farting tubes

From this list I know that I provide internet users help with their roomba, inform them about California legislation, help them even more with their roomba, and let them know about the UC regents salary.  I am however leaving a very important group of google users unserved by my blog.  That group of users are those with a burning desire to know more about farting tubes.  I will not allow those with a burning desire to become knowledgeable in the area of farting tubes look at my blog, and leave unsatisfied.  This very important demographic will finally find their home in this post.

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