A Series of Tubes

It looks like I’m going to be doing some coding at work. In order to do the 1337 coding I purchased a very expensive keyboard. The price is worth it. I might mod it so that it is water instead of air cooled and possibly add some leds. Check it out:

So recently I have been using a computer that does not have firefox installed and instead only has internet explorer 6 installed. This is basically puts me in a computer user vortex of evil torment. I noticed that my blog does not display properly under IE 6. As a matter of fact IE 6 crashed completely about half way through writing this post. I might have to change my theme in order to correct the rendering errors. In the mean time I’m going to complete my post in the computer lab. What I really want to tell you about is not my  computer and browser difficulties but rather something that happened during lunch.

The area in front of the bookstore is the place where you get accosted to sign petitions, are given various fliers, and whatnot. Recently all the frats and sororities have their tables set up which is probably a topic for yet another post. Next to the fratties there is a guy with a demo for action chiropractic center. I always wondered if chiropractors were legitimate or snake oil vendors.

So I went to go talk to the person in front of the action chiropractic center demo, Dr. Ron Schmidt. According to his bio on his website, he graduated from Palmer west. This institution gets it’s name from Daniel David Palmer, the founder of modern chiropractic therapy. Palmer had previous experience as a spiritual and magnetic healer. From the wikipedia entry on the guy:

While working as a magnetic healer in Davenport, IA, he encountered a deaf janitor who he discovered had a palpable lump in his back. He theorized that the lump and his deafness were related. After a reported successful restoration of the man’s hearing^[2], it led to the beginning of Chiropractic history. His theories revolved around the concept that altered nerve flow was the cause of all disease, and that misaligned spinal vertebrae had an effect on the nerve flow. He postulated that restoring these vertebra to their proper alignment would restore health.

Also from wikipedia is the following juicy quote from DD Palmer: Read more

I just watched The Story of Stuff which is mostly things I already knew but is edited and put together really well. I think that I’d be preaching to the choir with most of the people I showed it to. I’m sure that my legions of fans will spread the word to those that don’t think about consumerism and environmentalism. I currently don’t have much of an environmental impact mostly due to the fact that being a grad student tends to pay so little. The thing is that this blog is poised to bring in millions so it will be important for me to keep the tenants of the story of stuff in mind when it comes to using my imminent fortune.

On an unrelated note, I blogged earlier about my awesome idea for a christmas card. Unfortunately my chief artistic developer was pretty busy over winter break so my awesome Christmas card remained a brilliant idea instead of a brilliant card. I’ll probably try to use it next year instead of ruining the surprise by announcing my brilliant idea on the internet. My legions of fans will be held in suspense for a year. You will have to trust me that it will be well wort the wait.

I noticed that there was a distinct lack of pirates on the front page now that my original pirate post has floated into the archives. To remedy this I will combine my love of pirates with my love of Christmas, and will throw in my card making in there for good measure.

So if I didn’t already have a brilliant Christmas card idea I would totally get these cards:

Yes that is Santa with a peg leg and an eye patch. If anyone is looking for a card to get me for Christmas…look no further.

Happy thanksgiving to all of my loyal fans who have been with me these long and hard past few days. You’ve been so good through the tough times of Monday and the slightly better times of Tuesday.

So news of my website spread through the family this Thanksgiving.  I must say that there was quite a lot of interest in the Pirates and farting.  My sister pointed out that the combination puts new meaning to the phrase “Thar she blows.”

Tomorrow I plan on ice skating, a good dinner, and a general avoidance of any place where people will be shopping.

Well I’m not going to generate my millions with those vacuum tube ads on the right which means I need to stop talking about them or else google with think that all I care about are things that predate transistors (notice my clever wording so as to avoid saying vacuum tubes again).

To fix this problem I have decided to write about things that my legions of fans, I’m looking at you Jess, will find enjoyable and that google will deem is the proper intent of this blog. That thing that I shall write about is pirates.

I’m hoping that by writing about pirates, ads for eye patches, hooks, peg legs and the like will start appearing on the right hand side. Everyone that visits the site will be drawn to this awesome assortment of vendors to fulfill their pirating needs and then the millions start getting delivered. Perhaps I can get that in doubloons. Yar.

Here is an example of the supplies.

Ok I didn’t quite hit the total number of posts that I needed today to make my millions so hopefully my legions of fans all told about 5,000 people so that we can get this money machine rolling. So in order to make about 2 million dollars this year I have a scheme awesome business plan. I’m going to think of ideas to put on greeting cards such as Christmas cards. As a matter of fact I have a particular Christmas card idea that is going to be put on a card this year. In order to find out what my genius Christmas card idea is I suggest that you check this blog daily. I was about to mention that you should click on the ads on the right but apparently if I suggest that then I would be violating some of my terms and conditions with google and your click of the ad would not generate my desired millions. I will then decidedly not mention what I think you the reader should or should not do to the wonderfully delicious ads on the right hand side of the page with their attractive display and luring descriptions of products and services.

So to train myself in the art of genius card idea generation I did some research by purchasing a card. It was a congratulatory card for someone that just had a baby. Unfortunately I don’t know anyone that is having a baby anytime soon, but the first person that has a kid that knows me well enough to expect a card from me will get this awesome congratulatory card:

Yes that is a baby shooting out of a champagne bottle. Got it at a fair in SF, but you can get similar stuff here if you want to.

Ok. If I’m going to make my millions with the Internet I’ve been told that people will need to want to come to my webpage. The best way to do this is to write things that people will want to read. So If I can get $.50 worth of people to view each post I figure that to get my first million in a year I simply need to write 2 million posts in a year. That comes out to an average of 5479.45205 posts per day….This is going to be harder than I thought. Ok people, tell your friends so that I only have to write a post or so a day. Specifically tell about 5,479.45205 people because the current rate of google ad money is not getting very far. I can buy a lunch about once every 10 days or I’ll have my million dollars when I’m 5475.81853 years old. I’ll probably have to spend some of my riches on research to keep someone alive to be 5,475 years old. On top of that, inflation will probably make my million dollars only able to buy a lunch 5000 years from now anyhow.

So my ads on the right hand side are all up. Time to sit back and watch the internet’s money come to me. Apparently google caught my tube reference but failed to pick up on the fact that it is a quote of Ted Stevens. Hopefully people that find Ted Stevens hilarious will also like vacuum tubes.